Retrospecta
2020 has been a year of “gbas-gbos” a lot of us didn’t see coming. I began the year with big thoughts on doing things differently since my normal way of life wasn’t yielding results i wanted. I had zero clue on how to switch things up but i knew somethings had to change. So much devastating loss and pain in less than a year, i’m surprised the world hasn’t turned over yet. It’s been a very tough year so far for almost everyone, but it’s the year so many have learnt the biggest lessons ever. For me, being forced to be indoors for months as opposed to my regular life of plain hustle & bustle, gave me the much needed opportunity to evaluate my life and also sleep a lot.
The thing i noticed with a lot of ambitious and avid thinkers like myself, is the relentless drive. The pursuit of the next thing, the push and pull for one thing and then the other. Sometimes i find it so hard to sleep at night, because of the plots and twist of thoughts in my head. The zeal to focus on one thing, then the fear of things not working out followed by the need to work on alternative plans. In the end, the alternative plan becomes the real plan that needs a new alternative. It’s really crazy living each day filled with the need to “make things happen” while also trying to keep it all together.
Most great folks will tell you to know yourself and never give up on your dreams, but the truth is that sh*t isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s really tough to keep being motivated when you get loads of rejection emails daily while folks on twitter keep making the big announcement. It’s so difficult to genuinely happy for other people’s success when life really sucks for you. How do i even peel through the layers of social conditioning, religion, upbringing, experience and even environment to know what really resonates with my soul. It’s so easy to say but it’s really hard for an adult whose entire life has been filled with struggle to see himself otherwise willfully. It’s tricky to see those cashing out big time this days are the one’s literally scamming people or scamming the system.
It’s a f**ked up situation, but one thing i learnt is every human is bigger than whatever situation we find our self in. No matter how messy it feels or looks, its certainly not beyond you to fix. The whole world was affected when the virus hit, this was a situation that didn’t discriminate. Black or not, rich or poor if you didn’t take necessary precautions its game over. Despite the sensitivity of the situation and the heart-breaking statistics, it wasn’t beyond us to fix collectively as humans even though it took a while and we are still mildly at it. In a poverty ridden country like Nigeria where hunger was a bigger threat, its really amazing how we managed to keep the numbers down.
So for me it’s not really about the focus or the regular “aspire-to-inspire” banter, its about “knowing that nothing that happens to me is beyond me” and that “no feeling is final”. Some may disagree with my statement on nothing being beyond anyone, the truth is man is a sum-total of his experiences and the people in his life. That part of the puzzle you don’t have, lies within your connection and its only a matter of time. When i say “no feeling is final”, i mean nothing whether good or bad is permanent. The world itself operates on balance, so you can be sure of some wins and some losses. Its a fact and the sooner its acknowledged the better. One thing i realized about myself is that, the feeling of a loss or a win eventually wears out to the extent that i don’t even remember long after the event. So this means, when i win today no matter how good it feels it won’t sustain me through the next loss. Same applies to a loss, no matter how bad i feel about a situation today i won’t remember how bad it was when i win tomorrow.
Knowing fully well how much of a roller-coaster life can be, i genuinely find peace in-spite of situations and i naturally don’t give up on things. When things don’t follow my plan, i find myself re-evaluating instead of beating myself up and then re-strategizing. It’s more natural now to be genuinely happy for people’s success, because i tend to believe one success can be linked to a compound interest of a period of effort on one’s part or on one’s behalf. The pursuit feels less like a chore but more fun and the process becomes less like a tick off a to-do list, but more like an interesting discovery along a path.
